Hi, I am Catherine and I am currently readjusting to life without gambling. Jan 29th, 2007 will be my 10-year mark in recuperation, but will never disremember where I have come from with gambling dependence.
Gambling addiction took away my life without killing me, it took away my family, friends, occupation, my house, and almost ruined my love life with my husband. It cost me more than what money can buy. On the other hand, I was also having unidentified mental & emotional health problems and disorders I never knew about until 2002.
I came from the depths of hell, despondency, and hopelessness.
My First Unsuccessful Self-Murder Attempt
I opened my eyes in a room at the hospital, I could feel my wrist wrapped up in bandages, I heard people talking about knives, but I lost conscious again. All I recall was everything returning to being dark in void. Recently, I have become aware of what caused that empty feeling; It was caused by a collapse of my nervous system. A mental/emotional blackout. From there I moved to a dependence/mental crisis base.
I was on suicide watch the initial few days. After a short while, psychiatrist began functioning with me. And as a matter of fact, I was as well a determined gambler too. For my gambling addiction, I got help from an addictions counsellor.
I tried quitting gambling without external help, but it was futile instead I had delved more into it; worse still, I even gambled when in rehab. I figure I had not achieved base yet.
Even after staying for 20 days in a crisis centre and self-murder attempt!
What Could Be Happening To Me?
It's known as DEPENDENCE. Addictions are abnormal behaviours which are extremely tough to end. However, the condition isn't hopeless. And this wasn't my final time I would execute this circuit.
Not resulting from seriously betting, because of the financial pressures from this ailment, I had another self-murder attempt in 2006 as it appeared I had not done equal to what is needed in every aspect of recovery, including my financial inventory.
First lesson? A well-balanced recovery plan. But in 2006 I also only wished to be normal, live life in recovery without having to use drugs for mental/emotional problems. In this way, I quit taking them supposing it was recently the betting that was bringing on my dysfunctional behaviour issues of PTSD, hyper discouragement, mellow madness uneasiness and bipolar a sleeping disorder cycles and OCD. So, in a period of two weeks with no medications? I was back to intense depression and wanting to commit self-murder. My answer? I took every one of my meds on the double. I had gotten to that dim, dark gap of misery once more.
Back in the healing centre once more, an additional 16-day emergency focus stay and days of suicide watch.
When discharged this time, I had learned from my mistakes that I have to use drugs to manage my mental/emotional health and happiness as they refer to this as being "dually diagnosed or dual diagnosis."
Recovery with even bad experiences, coupled with some "faith" can reveal many life lessons in recovery to us. If we are not studying them, we won't notice our development. Even when you are not partaking in your preferred dependence, we can still have issues come up and life challenges in recovery, so being ready is very important.
Where Can I Be Visiting With This Portion Of My Story?
To overcome an addiction in earnest, we need to break every manner acquired during the addictive phase Stability is the main factor that supports recovery. Learning the arts and implements in treatment and therapy to discontinue the repeated processes of addiction and clear a path for dispersing control, disavowal, justifications, and more.
Second, come to acknowledge that recuperation is a deep rooted prepare. This step is also very essential and requires complete submission.
And third, having a solid 'Relapse Prevention Program' is a mandatory for any individual who comes into recuperation and needs it long-term. We all believe that life occurrences take place. Even joyful or favourable occurrences, not only bad or grievous ones.
I think that is the reason behind the question asked by Gamblers Anonymous in our book called "The 20 Questions" to detect whether you have a gambling problem. One of the questions in some of those websites is "Have you gambled at any point in time to commemorate a measure of success you attained?" It is an absolute YES! For me. When I got good fortunes, my first thought was to celebrate and have fun by gambling. At that time, my addiction toward gambling was so serious, I tried everything to control myself with, other than Gamblers Anonymous.
I shared this gambling dependence with people that has common addicts to get support and to convince myself that this sickness is subtly dangerous and scheming. And GA showed me how vital it is to be there for others via recuperation service as others were there for me when I was a newbie.
People need to start opening their minds and be reminded about this subtle addiction. Let's destroy the "myths" concerning it. It is one way to pull down the "stigma" around it, and around those who live dual diagnosed also. Yes, psychological/emotional ailments in recuperation can be a tricky duty, but I hope by sharing some of my encounters, energy, and hope, and distributing some of my narratives can be an illustration that recuperating is within reach, and we can be jovial, healthy and fruitful lives in recuperating!